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To the moron, block 104, row w, seat 144.

At the risk of being cast as Victor Meldrew, a charge often made by my family, I think that with this one, right is on my side.

Call me old fashioned, but when I go to a concert I take a broad view that the aim is to listen to the performers. A bit of communal singing with favourites is fine for more modern stuff and especially folk (probably leave opera out of this). Even with Underworld, where it’s more difficult, you could go along with cries of “lager, lager, lager “from Born Slippy.

However, if you shell out a goodly amount of folding stuff for Paul Simon and Sting at the O2, would you intend to hold a high decibel conversation with your girl there?  Aside from the mercenary side wouldn’t you think it polite to the performers and your fellow concert-goers to listen? What prompts them? Is it the prospect of rutting like crazed weasels (RLCW) after the concert, so get the chat out of the way early?

And if you are asked politely to tone it down a few times by a grey haired, inoffensive chap wouldn’t you desist? Wouldn’t you think that the kindly old buffer might induce a heart attack by being forced later to shout “shut up” at you. After all, in other circumstances it could be your own dad.

Of course, these sort of scenarios are played out in homes up and down the land more often these days. When we were looking at the things that drove families up the wall about each other there were mixed signals. On the one hand parents didn’t want the place treated like a hotel, didn’t see any reason why the dishwasher couldn’t be filled by a healthy 25-year old, but actually quite liked the other bits of them being around. Better conversation and no sulking, for example.

That only goes so far and young people need to, literally, get out of the house.Robinson-family_372x200_insight

The Family Mortgage was designed as a relationship enhancer, where families could help each other and get young people to the housing ladder. After all, what might be spent on rent would be better applied to a mortgage. Once they have their own space the young adults could engage in much more RLCW without thinking about what their parents might be hearing.

Are you listening, block 104, row w, seat 144?

By Jonathan Haslam

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